My life is so dramatic right now.
Sadness
Disappointment
Hope
Guilt
Annoyance
Frustration
Not giving a single damn
stress
That's why I'm not blogging as much because life is taking over and I can't slow down and spend time to get some deep thoughts going through my head. To be honest I just want to sit in my room all day etc but no nope I've got other duties and what not. Is this my harsh reality? I'm struggling to handle everything and make everyone happy at the same time. Yet there are still opportunities arising that may benefit me in the future and I'm afraid that if I take this, I lose another. Oh and there's also time. Time, you moron. Time is my biggest fear and enemy right now.
I also made one of the biggest decision yet. I know I'm not mentally capable for something so wonderful as such at this point in time. It's a luxury. Either way, disappointments will arise and it did as expected. Made me feel shittier too. These piling emotions with different things in life just stack up one by one. Where are the days, the days where I just "study" and attempt to socialise with friends. Now I don't even think 24 hours a day, 7 days in a week is enough for me to comfortably fit everything in place whilst being moderately sane and not looking like just got punched in the face the night before.
I cannot even give a damn caring about my IB score right now. The number tells me whether or not I can get into the course I want and it sure did. I'm content, not happy. Content that I would make into the course, not happy because it was lower than I expected but I don't give a bum right now just get over it. Now my parents are making a big deal about how they're going to tell anyone who asks them. It's like.. "m8 it's none of their beezwax just say that maggie is content with her score". Why must they feel obligated and more stressed than me. Wait, no, that makes perfect sense. But why point fingers at me, there's no point. I can't go back in time and redo my exams. Even if I did, I'd still get into the course, but make everyone and myself happier. Definitely not worth the time travel and effort to be honest. Why is there a need to reinforce the shittiness, everyone has feelings and can be iron hearted. Just get over it. Move on.
I've been so caught up with life that I legit did not check youtube for 3 days straight and I most definitely missed out on a lot of videos :(
Ughhh can life just stop and wait for me.
I'm lagging here, almost not responding.
I just want solitude and peace :(